Chapter Previews

The 4-1-1 on Life Skills

Sample from Chapter 2:

Bathroom:

• Keep the toilet paper roll filled. Keep extra rolls in the cabinet nearest to the toilet.

• Keep a room freshener close by the commode.

• Clean sink and wipe down sink area once a week.

• Wipe down any decorations, toothbrush holders, mirror, etc. once a week.

• Clean toilet: wipe down the toilet seat (top and bottom), toilet cover, and toilet top rim once a week.

• Clean tub/shower: move all items out of shower before cleaning once a week.

• Wipe down windowsills with damp cloth once a week.

• Sweep/mop floor once a week.

• Wipe baseboards with a damp cloth once a month.

• Wash hand towels at least once a week or more if soiled.

• Keep floor mats flat to prevent tripping.

• Wash floor mats every two weeks.

• Use a plastic liner with your shower curtain. Keep the shower curtain closed (stretched from side to side) to help prevent mildew on the liner. If it does mildew, you can wash it in the washing machine and hang to dry back in the shower. Or just replace the liner—they are cheap!

Bedrooms (Master, Guest and Child):

• Keep items off of the floor.

• Change sheets once a week or no longer than two weeks. (or after Guests)

• Wash pillows, duvets, mattress covers, and comforters once a month.

• Wipe ceiling fans with damp cloth once a month.

• Wipe baseboards with a damp cloth once a month.

• Dust once a week: move all items off shelves and wipe clean before putting back.

The 4-1-1 on Step Parenting

Sample from Chapter 3 - Before the "I Do's"

You and your significant other have committed to be with each other. You are in love, you are happy, and you are looking forward to a brand new life. Do not automatically assume everyone shares your happiness? Chances are, at least your step children do not. But why wouldn't they? What may lie ahead can have the potential to be both a rewarding and a challenging experience. Know it can take a long time for a blended family to begin to feel comfortable and function as a family, so do not be disappointed if things do not come together immediately.

Consider the world from their point of view. For whatever reason, their biological mother and father are not together. This alone makes their world upside down. And now one of their parents has a new friend. With the possibility of a new adult coming into the household, children may feel threatened by your presence. The children may fear you will be taking their place in their parent's heart. They also fear you may be trying to replace their missing mother or father.

All of the above is enough to explain why your step children may not be friendly toward you and may even be outright rebellious. Your partner loves you, your step children may not. This is why it is important to start planning how a blended family will function before the "I Do's" take place.

First Things First

You have survived a painful separation, divorce or death of a loved one, and have managed to find a new loving relationship. Your first instinct can often be to rush into remarriage and a blended family without first laying solid ground. Make sure you give everyone a chance to get used to each other, and used to the idea of marriage.

Make it clear you will not be put in a position to have to choose sides. Remind your partner and your children you want both sets of people in your life.
Too many changes at one time can upset your children. Newly blended families will have the highest success rate if the couple waits at least two years or more after a divorce before marriage. Although this may sound like a long time, the more time you give the children to adjust the more accepting everyone will be.
Make sure to experience the daily routine together before moving in. Spending time together at home and out in public will help build a bond. Although your first instinct is to take them to a theme park or other expensive type of outing, do not just do fun things because it is not a true test of reality. You cannot buy reality.
Love and affection takes time to develop. Get to know your partners children. Do not rush it. Do not try and force a relationship. Because you give time, energy, love, and affection to your new partner's kids you may not see the return immediately. Hang in there — it will happen.
Have the discussion on how you intend to parent together. Make the necessary adjustments to your parenting styles before you remarry. It will make for a smoother transition and your kids will not become angry at your new spouse for making changes.
Insist on respect. You cannot insist people like each other but you can insist everyone treat one another with respect. This is one of the most important items.